For the longest time I would sit and wonder why I wasn’t dating anyone. Was I not pretty enough? Was I too weird? Was I too loud? I tried so hard to change every piece of me into the shining example of what I thought was a godly woman. I spent hours trying to change and embody the proverbs 31 woman, thinking that maybe if I was more like that I would be loved. If I worked hard all the time and did it all. If I was quiet and meek maybe I would be noticed. I kept trying to change in hopes that someday I would be pursued.
You see, in my mind in order to do something for God you had to be married. As young girls we are taught all growing up to wait for a man who is pursuing you. We are told to wait. We walk around with jewelry saying “True Love Waits”. But what are we really waiting for. Are we waiting for the first Christian guy who asks us out? Are we waiting for the Bible Study Leader? How are we waiting? Why is it so important that we wait?
Now before anyone freaks out, I am NOT talking about sex. PLEASE wait for sex inside a marriage relationship. But I have a secret for you….. Life is not about sex. Marriage is not about sex. Marriage is something made by God to experience a different piece of his love and relationship. But why must I wait around for someone? Why am I supposed to be set up with every new guy who walks into the church doors? I am very much drawn to this passage of scripture in 1 Corinthians 7, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried as I do.” Why is it good to be unmarried, I’m not sure. I just know that being single has it’s advantages for the kingdom of God just as being married does.
Being single does not mean you are invalid. In fact 1 Corinthians 7 also states “ Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.” We are to live for God in whatever situation we are in. That includes in our singleness. Blogger Julian Williams wrote this on the subject,
“The young women of God who make up the majority of the young church are waiting to be pursued by mighty men of God. They desire a partnership with someone who has the courage of Joshua, the tenacity of Jacob and the devotion and unshakable affirmation of Joseph. The problem is, it's not about waiting at all. You don't meet the man of your dreams while waiting for take off at your launch site; you meet him when you're BOTH in orbit chasing the adventure of faith and purpose that is your inheritance, for the face of God Himself.”
There are several women described in the Bible. Let me give you the names of some of them I would like to emulate. Deborah, the prophetess and fourth judge of Isreal. Esther, the Queen of Persia. Hannah, the woman who gave up her love to serve God. Jael, the woman who murdered Sisera and saved the Isrealites. Lois, the grandmother of Timothy who imparted her faith. Lydia, one who took a step out and followed Jesus when it wasn’t popular to do so. Priscilla, one who aided in Paul’s ministry. Rahab, a girl who saved the Israelites and was in turn spared. Ruth, a widow who decided to do what it took to follow God and provide for her family. Some of these women were married but many others were not. Some were outcasts. Some were quiet, some were bold. Each of these women loved God and sought after him.
So I’m not waiting around and I am not settling. I don’t want a guy who I have to tell to fight for me, I want one who is fighting for me from the start. I don’t want a guy who is trying to follow Christ but one whose whole heart is devoted to God even through his mistakes. I want a guy who has the courage of Joshua, the tenacity of Jacob, and the devotion of Jacob. I want someone who makes mistakes but doesn’t leave God in the midst of them. I am looking for a leader, not just a Christian. I am looking for someone living the full life God has for them and not for someone who waivers. Is this a tall order…. YES! But is it what God wants from me? YES!. As I emulate these women of God and learn how to be devoted and submitted to God’s call without losing my strength and dignity I expect any man that God has for me to be learning from the men of God in the Bible.
To conclude I just say, Single days, I love you. I have time for ministry. I have a passion inside my heart. God has made me for something great and I do not have to throw that away for something that’s just a little better than the rest. If God has designed someone to come along side me they will be ready for the road that lies ahead. If not then so be it, as God is more than enough for me. I am no Bible Study Barbie, but I am a woman of God. And unless a guy is ready for the life that that entails as a strong woman in God’s hands; than I am happy to live life to the fullest in what God has given me.
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