Broken

Tonight I thought I was going to have a normal day. I thought that I was going to be able to coast by. But God had other plans. Tonight God showed me a small piece of his heart. I saw the church, his children, crying out. I saw them scared and afraid of the great mercy of God. Thinking they had used too much of it already. I saw hurt and pain. I saw those who I loved pretending the pain wasn't there. I saw us, the church, so afraid to let someone in. And I saw God wanting to reach out to us in love. To heal our burdens, to carry us. I saw God wanted to give us abundant life and not have us weighed down by the scars this life leaves behind. Tonight my heart is broken in two. I see such pain and want nothing more than to fix it, but I also see myself doing the same. I see my heart in a place of constant brokenness, that I can never solve. I see the utter state of my destruction that God has saved me from but I also see that God not only freed me once, but wants to free me every day. I cry out to God as a broken soul and ask that he continually heals me. That my life would be a living sacrifice unto him. That His healing would reign throughout my life and the lives of those around me. But the closer I get to God the more that pain intensifies. The hurting children, who have been accepted by God, but are still so broken because they don't allow God to touch every area of their lives. God, please allow my heart to continually be broken. Allow me to be so connected with you that I feel a fraction of the love for those that you do. Show me abundant life. But allow me to be broken.