Let me make you my bride

This weekend two of my dearest friends are getting married. They invited me to sing a song for them and we chose a beautiful song depicting God's love for His bride, the church. I have sung this song over and over again in preparation,  but I never really connected to the lyrics. As I was listening to it again,  I was struck by the lyrics. This song is a desperate plea from God to come to Him. It's not a plea to change. It's not a plea for the unsaved.  This is a plea of love, a declaration of undying commitment for his wife. A plea to come home.

In Jewish culture a man would seek out a woman to marry. He would speak with her family and then he would sit with the family and propose. He would share of a cup and if the women chose to drink it, then they were bethrothed. This women was now his wife in all fullness except for their bodies becoming one. At this time the man would go away and prepare a place for her. When he came back to get here he would show up unannounced and take his bride. This is not at all unlike what Jesus does with us. When we accept the cup of his blood for us on the cross we become his wife.

This marriage, being a wife speaks of a strong commitment of love. The chorus of this song states "Your my beloved, lover I'm yours. Death will not part us, it's you I died for. For better or worse, forever we'll be. My love it unites us, it binds you to me." This is one of the most beautiful statements I have ever heard. I am beloved by God. God has given himself to me. Death can't separate us. No matter what happens, no matter how good I am or how bad I am we will be together. His love unites us. Not my love. But His.

One of my favorite parts of the song is the bridge which states, "You've been a mistress my wife. Chasing lovers that won't satisfy." God is right here calling me out and calling you out. I have not been a very good wife. Sin surrounds my life and as we all know we run and we chase lovers. Whether physical lovers or lovers in the form of televison, alcohol, books, lust, etc. They will never satisfy the longing for belonging and love that we each possess. You would expect God to say after that that he wants a divorce or that he doesn't really want us anymore. That after all I have done God has no place for me. But that isn't what he says. He says, "Won't you let me make you my bride.  You will drink of my lips and you'll taste new life."

God invites us, invites me into a ceremony of love. A relationship of passion and connection. Sex, as great of a human connection that it is, is still just a poor representation of what true intimate connection with God looks like. No matter where I've been, no matter where I go, God craves this intamacy for us. God asks me to be His bride. He doesn't force He simply declares His heart for me and then asks me to let Him in.

As a gay woman, I have spent much time and prayer with the concept of me being a bride. While my heart truly does yearn for a human relationship and a family, I have decided that that is something that is firmly in God's hands. He can bring me someone to fall in love with (if God can form the world, He can certainly form desires within me for anyone He pleases). While it is in God's hands there is still a very real part of me that sees my friends getting married and sharing in that love and commitment and my heart mourns knowing I will (most likely) never see an opportunity for me to have an earthly relationship like that.

This is why this song stuck with me so deeply. Jesus wants me to be His bride. It is Jesus who provides that white dress for me. He celebrates me and even though I am a mistress chasing others, he still wants me as His bride. A bride is celebrated by her husband and is loved beyond measure. As I walk down the aisle  of life Jesus sees me with wonder and love. And that love lasts. I get to wear that wedding dress every day. As I go out and continue my life God may someday bring me someone to share this life with, God is capable of miracles, but nothing can take away this relationship with my true lover, Jesus.  Any earthly relationship would fail in comparison.  I already have the most amazing spouse and He wants to have the most amazing relationship with me.

God, I ask that we all run home to you. I know I have been running. I am terrified to look in your eyes because I don't know if you can be all I need. Lock our eyes with yours and show us the true love behind them. God, make us your bride. Make me your bride.  Let us celebrate this wedding together with the beauty of new life and love. I thank you for always taking us bacl, for taking me back and celebrating every time no matter how often I leave. Thank you for your love and commitment even though I don't deserve it. Thank you God.