Silenced

Numb, silenced, broken, repressed.
This is how I feel now. I have never been one at a loss for words or with a lack of emotion, but as times goes on, I feel myself becoming apathetic. Distracted.

I spend so much time surrounded by, seeking the business of life. Anything to think less. I don't know if this is because of the medication or life circumstances. It could just be me missing a more volatile side of myself.

Just a few years ago I write an album's worth of songs. None of them are really lyrically or musically inspired, but they were outpourings of my soul. I was struggling so badly and loosing to me mental illness each day, but God carried me through it. I still have the scars to prove it. It was not a good time, but it was a time of utter and total dependence on God. I yearn to feel deeply. But for some reason I cant. I need to write and sing and dance and love. I need to find my way of relating with God and his love. I need a deep breath.